nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
