Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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