He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize