In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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