holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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