So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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