Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
