the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
