no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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