At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
