You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
