I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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