You made me cry and you don't even care
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
