WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
4 words: hood of his car
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
