Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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