Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
COCAINE IS GR8
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
