he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
