I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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