she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
