i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize