I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
