We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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