She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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