Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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