i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's not a walk of shame if you run