Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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