Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Matt's offering to breast feed it.