i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.