Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
