Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.