Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory