We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
