K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
