I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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