roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
