i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
