Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
