Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You are a genius and a whore.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
