It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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