This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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