I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
