Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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