After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
