New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
