grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
