Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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