Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
