i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
