it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize