I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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