someone threw a dead crab at me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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