Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
