happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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