I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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