If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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