you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
