i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
