tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
