Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
