Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
