Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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