I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Holy sore nipples Batman
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
