Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
