I'm really into asian looking animals
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize