Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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