im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
everyone is single if you try hard enough
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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