Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
