It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
