i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You smell like stripper and shame
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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