so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
