I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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