I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
