Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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