I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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