Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
