he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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