wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
