We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
