I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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