i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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