Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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