I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
