I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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