why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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